Arguing About ‘The Matrix’ with My Middle-School Self
The Scoop features personal essays on movie-centric topics.
By Nate Erickson
When The Matrix came out in 1999, I was in middle school and “on fire for Jesus.” I was absolutely certain about everything and strongly identified with Neo: both of us had been lost and asleep, both of us were now awake, and both of us were on a holy mission to save the world.
Rewatching the film as a non-religious adult, I’m glad I have grown out of my extremely narrow sense of certainty. But if I’m honest, watching the film reminds me that I still share a lot of the same psychological and spiritual urges as my middle school self.
Which makes me wonder: how much have I actually changed?
Red Pill, Blue Pill, No Pill
The Matrix is full of iconic scenes and images, but perhaps the most enduring (and these days infamous) scene is Morpheus’s red pill v. blue pill speech.
Right after Neo is interrogated by Agent Smith and then debugged by Trinity, he meets Morpheus, who offers him a choice: take the blue pill to forget everything and go back to a relatively easy life, or take the red pill and know the Truth with a capital T.
As a middle schooler, I knowingly chuckled during this scene because I was convinced I had already taken the red pill—I knew I was saved by Jesus and on the fast track to heaven. I pitied the unsaved people who were still living in a blue pill haze. I also admired Morpheus’s incredibly convincing speech and hoped that my attempts to evangelize could one day be as smooth. (Spoiler alert: they were not.)
As an adult, I am skeptical of Morpheus’s offer. The red pill image suggests there is one clear and simple answer—that there is absolute truth and certainty, that escaping from a mental or spiritual prison is as easy as becoming aware of it. And though I continue to long for that certainty, I also know there is no magic knowledge to help me finally figure out life. (Despite thinking I will find it in the next book I read or movie I watch…)
“The red pill image suggests there is one clear and simple answer—that there is absolute truth and certainty, that escaping from a mental or spiritual prison is as easy as becoming aware of it.”
But for Neo, the red pill is real. He takes it and immediately begins his training by being plugged into The Construct and having huge swaths of information and skills downloaded directly into his brain, epitomized by one of the film’s most quoted lines: “I know kung fu.”
I was so envious of this ability! My friends and I would talk about how cool it would be, and how it could make school obsolete and let us do way more fun things all day. I would like to say I’m over this envy and understand that downloading infinite information directly into my brain is a fantasy, but I still find myself filling every moment of silence in my life by playing podcasts at 1.75x speed, so I guess I’ve yet to fully free my mind.
Ignorance is Bliss?
There are two parts of The Matrix that make me think I’ve moved past my youthful thinking, but these parts also make me wonder if I’m just getting lazy.
The first is when Neo goes to see the Oracle and she tells him he is not The One. I was distraught. How could this man, who was so clearly a symbol for Jesus Christ, not be The One? And since we later learn that he is in fact The One, how could The Oracle say that? Was she lying? Or just wrong?
I tied myself in knots trying to understand how and why she said that. In hindsight, I can see how obsessed I was with the literal meaning of things. Today, I’m more comfortable living in mystery, and I now believe that literal meaning is the lowest form of meaning. But I wonder: is this just a fancy and “mature” way of being intellectually lazy? Instead of wrestling with The Oracle’s contradiction, am I basically just shrugging so that I can settle with being entertained?
The second part is with the characters of Cypher and Agent Smith. I absolutely knew these two characters were pure evil. In my mind Cypher had completely given up and made a deal with Satan (a.k.a. Agent Smith), but now I find myself sympathizing with him. Is it really so bad for Cypher to want to forget the hardships he has endured? He is certainly misguided, but he just wants to be happy. At the same time, I’m slightly disturbed by my finding his choices valid (apart from his act of betrayal and his murders, of course!) In a way, Cypher makes me miss my old sense of conviction.
“Instead of wrestling with The Oracle’s contradiction, am I basically just shrugging so that I can settle with being entertained?”
Similarly, I considered Agent Smith to be abhorrent and evil, but now I find him to be extremely compelling. He and the “good guys” are actually very closely aligned in their desire to break free from the Matrix, and I found myself mostly agreeing during his bitter monologue comparing the human species to a virus.
But I have qualms about this too. Why am I so ready to agree that humanity is a virus? Is this really a more mature or evolved stance than my previous belief that huge portions of humanity would end up in hell? Both versions of me need to be more openhearted.
Just Keep Searching
Revisiting The Matrix after more than 20 years showed me how I have and have not changed. My beliefs are completely different, yet I’m driven by some of the same urges: I’m still looking for certainty. I’m still searching for a red pill to solve the mystery of life. Neo’s journey to becoming the One followed a very clear path, but I’ve since learned that’s just not how life really works. There are no easy answers. There is no red pill.
But while these things might not exist, The Matrix reminds me to keep searching. Find Trinity, find Morpheus, seek knowledge and growth, and keep trying to break free.
Nate Erickson is a musician and creator and he also performs with Firefly Family Theatre. Follow him on Letterboxd at @mcbaniel.