The ‘Love Actually’ Storylines, Ranked
Assorted Flavors features listicles and other movie-related goodies.
By Cinema Sugar
Fuckshitwankerbuggerassheadedhole: Richard Curtis’ beloved Love Actually turns 20! Of all the movie’s unforgettable storylines—some timeless, others a little cringe—here’s how they rank 20 years later.
9. Colin and the American girls
Kris Marshall lends a comedic exuberance to Colin in his transatlantic pursuit of sex, but this segment is by far the most trope-heavy and the least consequential to the overall film. Love Actually attempts to explore different concepts of love in real-world scenarios, but Colin's adventure is full-blown fantasy, one that stereotypes both English and American women along the way. It might be somewhat amusing, but it feels more akin to an American Pie skit than it does to a would-be romantic ensemble. —Elliott Cuff
8. Mark, Juliet, and Peter
Hey Mark: You might have won the movie with your little posterboard, carol singers stunt, but 20 years later I gotta say: It was a dick move, man. That’s your best friend’s wife! And that wedding video edit featuring only clips of Juliet? The stuff of a murderous psychopath. Watching you kick around like a wounded puppy has all but lost its charm (if it had any to begin with) and I await the sequel wherein you apologize to your mate via posterboard or whatever other creative and deranged mode of expression you choose to adopt. —Kevin Prchal
7. Sarah and Karl
Oof, this one is tough, though maybe less problematic than some of the others. Sarah’s workplace crush on Karl is certainly sweet. She stays late to catch him leave the office and pinches herself when he asks her to dance at the Christmas party. While we watch them dance, we see how much he cares for her too. But when given the opportunity to fall in love, she chooses to take care of her brother’s needs above her own. It’s heartbreaking. It’s obvious the writers wanted to bring visibility to the sacrificial love of caretakers, but it pushes the movie dangerously close to the edge of a romcom. —Natalie Pohorski
6. John and Judy
Perhaps the purest, most adorable couple on the list ironically comes from the most scandalous meet-cute. You would expect John and Judy to be jaded by their profession, but they are much more like nervous teenagers that met in English class hoping to get asked to prom. The fact that they have seen another naked doesn’t phase their awkward modesty. Judy’s “All I want for Christmas is you”, followed by a peck of a kiss and John’s jump for joy, is borderline too cute to handle. We need more romcoms featuring Martin Freeman. —Natalie Pohorski
5. Karen and Harry
To this day, Karen opening her Christmas gift that reveals a hard truth she’s long suspected is one of the most wrenching scenes (and performances) to watch. From the minute you meet her, you want nothing but the best for her, yet we’re forced to watch through our fingers as her husband Harry acts a “classic fool” and betrays their time-worn love. As the opening sequence reminds us, yes, love actually is all around. But for some, it’s layered, messy, and not exactly the kind of love you go running to at the Heathrow arrivals gate. —Kevin Prchal
4. Jaime and Aurelia
In spite of the problematic nature of Colin Firth and Lucia Moniz agreeing to marry before actually having a single intelligible conversation with one another, I’m prone to getting swept up in the saccharine sweetness of learning another language for someone you love. Much of the courtship shared between Jaime and Aurelia is restricted to longing stares, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t get wrapped up every time in their most romantic of cliches. —Elliott Cuff
3. Billy Mack
The older I get the more I appreciate the platonic romance of Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) and his manager (Gregor Fisher). Billy has been an asshole to everyone for years, and it’s safe to assume his manager took the brunt of it. But when he makes the comeback of his career with a cringey Christmas cover song, he realizes that rather than attend a celebrity party, he wants to celebrate with the guy who has stuck with him through it all. It’s the storyline with the most complete and satisfying arc because it’s about personal growth. The importance of close friendships in adulthood is often overlooked, so cheers to the dark horse of our list! —Natalie Pohorski
2. The Prime Minister and Natalie
Hugh Grant takes his fumbling charm to new heights as Britain’s newly elected Prime Minister who’s lovestruck by one of his employees. “Oh no,” he mutters to himself. “That is terribly inconvenient.” Twenty years later, watching their story unfold—from awkward profanity-ridden encounters, to an unforgettable dance soundtracked by the Pointer Sisters, to door-to-door caroling, to a pageant kiss for the ages—is nothing less than holiday movie magic. —Kevin Prchal
1. Daniel and Sam
There is nothing more wholesome in Love Actually than a young boy pining for his fellow classmate whom he believes to be “the one”, and his stepfather supporting him wholeheartedly. There’s no patronizing or belittlement from Neeson’s Daniel—instead he takes Sam’s young love, one that most of us can relate to, completely seriously. That it allows them to bond in the wake of their shared lost love (Daniel’s wife and Sam’s mother) makes their genuine connection all the more special. —Elliott Cuff