Remember When Fascism Was A Bad Thing? These Movies Do
Assorted Flavors features listicles and other movie-related goodies.
Here’s the truth that the fascists of today want you to ignore: resisting fascism isn’t radical—it’s the absolute bare minimum. Fascists want you to be scared, silent, and small. They want you to forget, because fascism thrives in your forgetfulness.
But don’t forget. And remember that movies are memories with teeth.
Looking around, the fascism of today may not look like what’s depicted in some historical films. But even Nazi Germany wasn’t all jackboots and goose-stepping. Sometimes (usually), tyranny and oppression are just an asshole wearing khakis and a flag pin crying about civility while bulldozing basic rights and banning books.
Let’s take a closer look at some beloved films that are WHOOPS now apparently too radical for these freedom-hating bootlickers.
Sophie Scholl: The Final Days (2005)
Plot: German college student and real-life superhero Sophie Scholl resists Hitler, gets arrested for passing out literature, and stares fascists in the face with more courage than a dozen senators combined.
Why is it terrorist propaganda: Youth activism? A moral compass?! Ridiculous. Sophie would’ve already been tased on campus today for “disturbing the peace” and dogpiled by bad-faith debate bros.
Defiance (2008)
Plot: Jewish partisan fighters resist Nazis with sheer spite and guts.
Problematic AF: Armed resistance is only patriotic if you’re wearing a powdered wig and declaring independence from a tea-sipping monarch OR storming a Capitol because you’re bitter about election results. Too much Hebrew, not enough powdered wigs.
Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Plot: A young boy’s imaginary friend is Hitler. His real friend is a Jewish girl hiding in his house. Guess which one turned out to be full of shit?
Radical leftist agenda: Questions state-sanctioned indoctrination, nationalism, and ongoing war crimes. This one’s a triple threat. Might cause someone to say, “Racism seems bad!”
Army of Shadows (1969)
Plot: The French Resistance looks badass whilst fighting tyranny. Zero Marvel cameos. So so so much cigarette smoke.
Why is Homeland Security nervous? French people with a moral compass? GTFO! Emphasis on mutual aid and solidarity instead of what God intended: bootstraps and drone strikes.
Schindler’s List (1993)
Plot: A profit-minded Nazi industrialist has a crisis of conscience and ends up saving the lives of thousands of Jews during the Holocaust.
Terrorism incarnate because: It’s in black and white (communist), centers empathy (suspicious), and makes genocide look evil (deeply troubling). Florida would like a word.
The Great Dictator (1940)
Plot: The GOAT Charlie Chaplin, in full Hitler drag, roasts the living fuck out of fascism and delivers the most impactful lines ever committed to film. The speech is all about humanity and not being a goose-stepping dickhead.
Current legal status: Thoughtcrime, duh. Don’t both sides deserve equal time? Where is the pro-Nazi rebuttal? Real cancel culture by the so-called tolerant left.
Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Plot: Jewish-American soldiers scalp Nazis for sport. Historically accurate? Nah. Emotionally pristine? Abso-fucking-lutely.
Too violent, too woke, too Jewish: Yes. Yes. Hell yes. This film is antifa pornography. The whole thing is just Quentin Tarantino whispering, what if revenge were cinematic? Everyone should clap.
Casablanca (1942)
Plot: Suave expat risks it all to help the local antifa group, including his ex.
WOKE ROMANCE ALERT: Contains dangerous levels of moral backbone, compassion for refugees, and gratuitous punching of Nazis. Extremely high risk for both sides’ sensibilities.
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Plot: A star-spangled super soldier decks Hitler in his dumb little face. First comic. No hesitation, just throwing hands.
Modern GOP edit: Captain America would debate Hitler on Joe Rogan. Inevitably, he’d end with, “Let’s agree to disagree, Mein Fuhrer!”
The Sound of Music (1965)
Plot: A family of wholesome Austrians sings their way out of Nazi control. Yes, really. If you don’t tear up during that final “Edelweiss,” you’ve clearly picked a side.
Seditious themes include: Nice kids and their morally strong parents saying “no thank you!” to fascism, harmonizing rebellion, and a family who believes in both love and democracy. Terrorism, obviously.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Plot: Handsome archeologist uses ancient artifacts to melt fascists like microwaved Velveeta.
Final nail in the coffin: Features cinema’s best use of punching a Nazi hard and on purpose. Too satisfying. Clearly, this is Marxist sorcery. Probably why it slaps so hard.