6 Movie Franchises That Need to Stop
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Franchise. Ugh. The word alone reminds you of McDonald’s and Subway, not movies. But alas, despite the artistic intentions of filmmaking, Hollywood is still a massive money-making business. And we all know that nothing bad ever happens when art combines with capitalism, right?!
With all this in mind, some franchises just beat a dead story so relentlessly that it’s an embarrassing cash grab for everyone involved.
6. The Marvel Cinematic Universe
I know I’m not alone here. There are way too many Marvel stories. Not every character needs a standalone movie and spinoff series. Like Star Wars, the MCU suffers from Disney’s infamous content fatigue. The source material from Stan Lee and Jack Kirby is pretty excellent, so why do we keep overextending fantastic stories?
At this point, I would be shocked if Iron Man’s second cousin’s former roommate or the Scarlet Witch’s favorite elementary school teacher got their own shows on Disney+. The cinematic output is more overwhelming than school before spring break. Please stop.
5. Indiana Jones
This one hurts so bad. Let’s be real, there are only three good Indiana Jones movies and maybe a few episodes of Young Indiana Jones from the early ‘90s. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade even cracks my personal top ten favorites. That final image of Indy and his dad (played to perfection by Sean Connery having the most fun ever) literally riding into the sunset should have been the end.
But people can’t help themselves. Instead of jumping the shark, they nuked the refrigerator and society is worse off. Why did we need to learn that actual cannibal Shia LeBeouf died in Vietnam? Why does the Dial of Destiny have more convoluted subplots than an old-school soap opera? Can we just let Indy teach Intro to Archaeology in peace?
4. Jurassic Park/World
Dinosaurs? Awesome. Fast cars? ALSO AWESOME! Everybody knows this. But I have to admit that seeing the preview for the newest Jurassic World entry made me groan. As the CGI gets more advanced, the stories get worse. You can only stare at impressively rendered dinosaurs for so long.
3. The Fast and the Furious
The Fast and the Furious franchise suffers from a similar fate: cool cars doing increasingly ridiculously excellent stunts is greatness… but the plotlines make less and less sense with each sequel. Flashier effects can’t cover up weak storytelling. Pass.
2. Harry Potter
J.K. Rowling’s hateful opinions aside, I enjoyed the original Harry Potter books and movies when they came out. Sure, some parts veer into fan-fiction territory and a few elements haven’t aged well at all, but the magical coming-of-age story was a Millennial touchstone.
So here’s my question: why can’t we leave already good things alone? Why do we need numerous Fantastic Beasts sequels? Nobody wanted this. The upcoming HBO reboot feels like a soulless cash grab rather than a nostalgic return to a magical world. Much like the author’s Twitter feed, we all need a break.
1. Star Wars
Look. I love Star Wars. Love love love it. My 4th grade Halloween costume? Princess Leia! My childhood dream name for a hypothetical future daughter? Mara Jade! That’s a deep-cut character from the novelizations. I’ll even defend the prequels. But the flood of content post-Disney acquisition feels like eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for breakfast every day. The novelty is delightful at first, but then it just makes you feel bloated and upset.
The original trilogy was perfect. The prequels were slightly campy and, in retrospect, oddly prophetic. The newer entries are entertaining but unnecessary. Even the most diehard fans struggle keeping up with the sheer amount of content flying their way. One film’s ending had me half-expecting a full-blown Disney-style musical number. Probably someday, padawans, someday.